(Obi) Wan Flew Over Count Dooku’s Chest

Anakin and Obi Wan dashed into their Starfighter and took off in a flash. After all, it wasn’t every day that one got reliable information regarding the whereabouts of one of the most wanted outlaws in the galaxy- Count Dooku. And the cherry on the cake was that this time, they had his home address, so he could run, he could fly, but he could not hide for long from the dynamic Jedi duo.

After a long and fairly uneventful flight which involved just 37 firefights and the destruction of 482 droid starfighters, they had finally reached the planet on which the cunning, conniving, constipated….I mean criminal Count was now living. They checked the Google Maps on their starship, and made their way to his address.

Their starship was now hovering in Incognito mode right above Count Dooku’s home, while they looked for signs of the Count or any traps that he might have set for them. But to their disappointment, there was no sign of any living entity in a 5-mile radius. However, their scanners did throw up a very interesting object, a huge chest, padlocked, and hidden from the view of the casual observer.

“Let us keep hovering here till the evil Count returns, then we’ll take him together Anakin,” said Obi Wan. “Of course Master Obi Wan…” replied Anakin tentatively. “A hesitation I sense in you young Padawan,” commented Obi Wan drily.

That rattled Anakin. “Why are you suddenly talking like Master Yoda, mixing up your grammar?” Obi Wan replied in an apologetic tone, “Sorry Anakin, this is the result of the PTSD that I still suffer from as a result of my long association with him. But the question remains, why the hesitation?”

Anakin replied sheepishly, “Actually, in my hurry to takeoff for this mission, I forgot to fill up the fuel tank. So we don’t really have enough fuel to wait here for more than five minutes.” Obi Wan once again silently cursed the day that Master Qui-Gon Jinn had found this young rascal and decided to take him under his wing.

Then, using all the Force that he could call upon, he calmed himself down, and told Anakin, “Take the starfighter down for three minutes, I will just pop into Dooku’s home and see if I can find anything important.”

Obi Wan entered Count Dooku’s magnificent villa, wondering for the umpteenth time why hero Jedis had to live in penury while the villain Sith got to enjoy such luxury. But then, he focused back on the task at hand, since, due to his Padawan’s stupidity, time was short.

He quickly checked all possible hiding places, but there were no incriminating documents, or maps of Death Star etc. Now there was only one thing left to check, the huge chest that they had seen through the starfighter’s scanners. “It must be something really important and precious, that is why he has kept it protected like this,” Obi Wan thought to himself.

So he walked up to the chest, and using a trick that he had learnt in his pre-Jedi days, opened the huge padlock without breaking it, using just one of the numerous hairpins that all Jedi used to tie up their long hair. He caught hold of the chest, and with a flourish,pulled it open…..only to find that it was filled with the fancy, glamorous, elaborate black cloaks that Count Dooku was so fond of wearing.

“30 seconds Master,” came in Anakin’s screechy voice over the communicator. And suddenly, Obi Wan knew what he had to do.

Count Dooku returned from his annual vacation in his home planet of Serenno a week later. He had been urgently summoned for a meeting with Darth Sidious to discuss some nefarious battle plans. He quickly changed into his formal wear, and almost ran out….and ran back in almost immediately. He had forgotten to take his formal cloak.

He opened the chest, grabbed the cloak on top, and wearing it on the run, jumped into his starship and took off for his meeting. He was a Noble, it did not behoove him to be late for a meeting, especially with someone who had the power to crush him like a bug on a whim.

It was a nice, productive, fruitful and congenial meeting for a change. Darth Sidious was happy with his plan for taking over over the galaxy. In hindsight, it had been a good idea to include some videos of planets blowing up in the PowerPoint presentation, Dooku thought to himself.

He bowed to Darth Sidious and turned to leave, when he suddenly froze in his tracks. He tried to move, but he couldn’t. “Do you think this is a joke?” shouted Darth Sidious. “Wh…wh…whaaaat?” stuttered the usually unflappable Count Dooku.

One gesture from Darth Sidious, and Count Dooku’s cloak leapt out of his body, while he was still frozen like a statue. The cloak was now hovering in front of Count Dooku. And then he saw it. On the back of the cloak was pasted a big photograph of Darth Sidious with a lollypop in his hideous mouth, and below it was the caption that had now sealed Count Dooku’s fate- SITHS SUCK!


About anuragbakhshi

At the age of 40, I decided to exit the corporate world, and enter the world of stories as a full-time writer. Wish me luck!
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